If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize