I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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