God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
