you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
