It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
