so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
