I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
