The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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