i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
