mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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