I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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