I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize