It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
