I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
