Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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