I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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