i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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