What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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