i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
