he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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