nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
