so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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