I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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