he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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