you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
