omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
