Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
