I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A bitchslap is in order.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
