Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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