love makes seman taste better
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I would fuck him just for his dog
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
