how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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