ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
