That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
