Where is the hickey?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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