yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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