She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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