why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
