i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
