i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
