I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
