Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
