Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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