i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
