I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
