Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
