Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
