After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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