i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
