i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have already put on my inside pants.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
