I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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