The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
