no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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