you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
