xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need water and some morals
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