I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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