I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we're so committed to being not committed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
