problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
