I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize