god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
