im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
