I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
