Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Randomize
