who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
