bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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